The Truth

I beat it
i beat the feeling i got when i looked onto a piece of paper
and saw words
and saw tears
and saw a foreign language
that i never thought i would know

I beat it
every one wishes they could do what i did
beat that thing that plagues your existence
and you can look me in the face
and say it made me stronger
when i know everything you don't
all it did was

break me down

Physically "normal"
mentally well capable
some might even say "smart"
gifted
as all of those kids that i watched
as all of those kids that i wanted to be
as all of those kids that had it easy
because they could do everything
and i
nothing

I want to be smart
I want to look you in the face and tell you that i feel
like everyone else
but that is the biggest lie i have ever told
I could tell you that i have been "fixed"
I could tell you so many things to make you think that i was
"happy"
that i thought more of myself than those who used to tare me down
that i thought
i have accomplished something something
but im not normal
im not who i strived to be
and i know

I never will be



Because i was never supposed to be "normal"
i was supposed to be different
i was supposed to be talked to
as an ignorant child
when i could understand every
painful word
and a record plays through my head
of those words
and how i failed
because i wasn't normal

and i never will be

Look into blue eyes
that hold emotion
that hold pain
that hold the hopes and dreams of a small child
who had no idea why she was "different"
all she knew was that everyone else was progressing
and that she was stuck
that she was grounded
all she knew was that dreams
were just a figment of the imagination
all she knew was that what was expected was a bar she
could not reach
sky high expectations

Don't look at me and tell me i did so much
because i would argue
don't look at me and tell me that im normal
because im not
don't look at me and pretend there is nothing wrong

Its the memories
and im breaking down
and i know so much
i never wanted to know
and i know
im "special"
for all the wrong reasons.